Monday, September 16, 2013

Where Do We Go

Once in awhile I sneak into a recording studio to satisfy my passion of song writing and singing. Although all my friends don’t approve and support it, I thought I have to do it for my own sake. My first love, music, may have been for my own ears only; but I am proud of it. I may not be the best vocalist, but I am proud to say I can damn compose a song. Or can I? Really?

Roughly a year ago I wrote and recorded a song called “Where do we go”; which, for the first time, I became more involved in terms of putting up all the elements of it. I have to say, 70% of the whole song was digitally made and composed by me (percussion, scratches, arrangement, melody); except for the piano, guitar and bass that I had to ask for help from my trusted musician, Jun Belza. I didn’t have enough courage to release it online since I thought it is still immature. It was the pseudo mix that I haven’t had time to go to a studio again to polish it.

As immature as it sounds with all the vocal mishaps, I had to release it this time for a reason.

Last week, a friend whom we haven’t seen for quite some time appeared and called for a drinking session. He was broken. A love affair that went for over two years ended and we were there to listen.

He fell in love, a great love. It was crazy, fun and adventurous given the condition that it was a secret love affair. He got so into it that he created his own world with the guy. They lived secretly together. He forgot his friends, family and all of what he was to fulfil the fantasy of having a love affair with his prince charming. As dreamy as it sounds, it was not a reality. Promises were made and now was broken. They both knew it was wrong and they both knew it can never last forever. They tried finding ways and planned things for them to make it last a lifetime. Or were it just promises made for the sake of promising?

As much as they want to make the fantasy a reality, they can’t seem to know how to hold on to their decision. They push and pull whether to hold on or let go. But every time they start it, they can’t help but be vulnerable to get back and break their decision. No one is matured enough when love strikes.

Now that they have decided to end it again for the nth time, they want to make it final. But my friend was devastated. Vulnerability can accompany insecurity. And as it turned out, even when the guy gives all the reasons that he is no longer into him, my friend still gives reasons for the guy’s behaviours. He puts the guy on a pedestal and even when the guy is cheating, he still gives him the benefit of the doubt.

In the middle of the conversation, when it was our turn to give him our advices, I had to insert my song. I told him it was perfectly written for what he is going through at the moment. I mean I just had to. Even when I know how much they hate being pushed to listen to my songs. LOL.

“Where Do We Go”

Written, Produced, Composed by: Ron Katagiri
Percussion, mix and arrangement by: Ron Katagiri
Main and Background vocals by: Ron Katagiri
Strings, piano, bass by: Jun Belza

[Verse 1]:
I lost myself, go down the drain when I was with you
I lost my focus to myself and what’s necessary
Crazy little things I did for you
Didn’t really see my worth
You tripped and played me dirty
I was fooled

[Verse Bridge]:
You’d be playing ‘round and didn’t give a fuck
I’m like, trying to keep my cool with all excuses you were telling me
Emptiness inside, I run and find me
To get back to where I used to be, how I’m usually

(Where do we go)
We push and pull around in circles we go
(Where do we go)
We fight and struggle and make up for what is missing in us
(Where do we go)
Shattered to pieces we pick up
(Where do we go)
And best we try to understand what’s going on inside the line
(Where do we go)

[Verse 2]:
We forget what matters and hits you hard inside
Inhibitions pull you to hold tight and find what’s missing in you
And it all ends up with questions floating round
You get confused and complicated
Burning us to fight

When we became too involved and passionate about something or someone, we tend to forget ourselves. We lose our identity. We forget what really matters. We try to fulfil what is missing. We find answers to our questions; but the more we seek, the more questions arises. We go around in an infinite circle of pushing and pulling. When we forget ourselves we became more dependent to another, we became vulnerable. And when we reached to a point when we realize it is already unhealthy and dangerous rather than real, we find it difficult to let go. At a snap, we come rushing back. We must learn to find ourselves again. We need self respect more than anything. We need to be strong enough, for when it all comes back, we are in need to be reminded, “Don’t fuck it up”.

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